In this FundaMENTALS episode, we look at how expectations add tension and narrow your options, and why shifting to clear standards helps you swing with freedom. I cover the basic brain mechanics, a simple process to use before each shot, and a few practical course examples. The goal is steadier decision-making and more durable confidence.
You ever have one of those mornings where you roll into the parking lot feeling kind of invincible? You slept well. You’re early. You like this course. You’ve been hitting it great lately. You’re sipping coffee thinking, “Oh yeah, today’s the day.” You loosen up on the range and stripe a few. Someone might even comment, “Looking good today.” And you believe it.
Then you step onto the first tee, put one slightly off the toe… and suddenly the whole emotional structure you built in your head collapses like a house of cards. “Wait… this wasn’t supposed to happen.” Now you’re steering shots, playing careful, trying to re-create the round you told yourself was “supposed” to happen. And before you know it, you’re three holes in, already grinding to “get the round back on track.”
Here’s the good news: this isn’t a swing issue. This is an expectations issue. And once you understand how expectations work — and how they quietly sabotage you — you can completely change the way you experience a round of golf. So let’s unpack this.
There’s a really important difference between wanting to play well… and expecting to play well. Wanting is healthy. Wanting motivates you. Wanting is flexible and it matches reality. But expecting? Expecting creates a hidden psychological contract: “Because I expect to play well, I can’t afford to play poorly.” And once you’ve created this “I can’t afford to mess up” mentality, you’ve already set the conditions for fear.
Fear is just the backside of expectation. If you expect great golf, then bad golf becomes “not allowed.” And the second something is “not allowed,” your brain treats it like a threat. That’s where tension creeps in. That’s where the guidey swings start. That’s where you begin defending instead of expressing your game.
So before we go deeper, let’s talk about what’s actually happening inside your brain when expectations take over. Mark Manson has this great model for how we operate. There’s the Thinking Brain — calm, logical, rational. And then there’s the Feeling Brain — emotional, reactive, threat-sensitive. When you’re comfortable, the Thinking Brain drives. But the moment emotion spikes — pressure, tension, embarrassment — the Feeling Brain grabs the wheel.
So when you step up to the first tee expecting to play great… and then immediately hit one sideways… your Feeling Brain goes: “Danger. Something is wrong.” And now it’s in full control. You tighten up. You try to avoid mistakes. You play small and protective.
Which brings us to another piece of the puzzle: what your physiology does when you imagine success versus imagining failure. This part is fascinating. Researchers found that imagining success raises your blood pressure briefly… and then it drops off. But imagining failure raises blood pressure and keeps it elevated longer. Why does that matter? Because that elevated blood pressure is tied to sustained motivation, focus, and engagement. Your brain evolved to avoid danger more urgently than to pursue reward. So expecting good golf doesn’t steady you — it actually makes you more fragile.
And then there’s the positivity problem. Mark Manson says it perfectly: “Our fixation on the positive only reminds us of what we are not… what we lack… what we should have been but failed to be.” When you tell yourself, “This is going to go great,” you unintentionally raise the emotional consequences if it doesn’t. And when things inevitably don’t go great — because golf is golf — your brain responds with: “See? You said it would go perfectly. You were wrong.” So we double down on the positivity, try to “stay upbeat,” and that just widens the gap between reality and what we wished reality would be. That gap is where fragile confidence is born.
Let’s make this real with some examples. You expect a great day. You bogey the easy first hole. If you only wanted to play well, no big deal. But because you expected it, now you’re scrambling emotionally: “What’s wrong?” “I need to get this back.” “I can’t start like this.” That urgent need to fix it creates tension… which leads to more mistakes.
Or here’s another one. You’re three under with four to play. You start telling yourself, “Just keep it together… stay positive… finish strong.” Then you tug a tee shot left. And instantly your brain says: “Nope. This wasn’t part of the plan.” From that moment on, every swing becomes about avoiding disaster instead of creating something good. That’s expectation in its purest form.
If you’re playing a qualifier or trying to make a cut, the stakes are real. You should care. But even then, the players with the most durable confidence aren’t expecting perfection. They’re expecting problems… and prepared to handle them. They’re not surprised by adversity. And that lack of surprise is what keeps them steady.
So here’s the paradox: expecting to play well makes you scared. Expecting to play poorly makes you free. I’m not telling you to hope for disaster. I’m telling you to expect truth. And the truth is: bad shots will happen. Bad breaks will happen. Tension will show up. You won’t love it. And you’ll still be fine. That’s real confidence. Not “everything’s great,” but “I’ll be okay even when it’s not.”
So here’s your FundaMENTAL for the week: shift from positivity… to realism. Don’t force optimism. Don’t expect smooth sailing. Expect some messiness. Expect some nerves. Expect some bad swings. And expect yourself to handle them. Great golf doesn’t come from avoiding mistakes — it comes from responding to them well. And you can only do that if your expectations match reality. That’s where freedom comes from. And that’s where your best golf lives.